Ending The Dance
by JAGfreak
Summary: Harm gets Mac home from the hospital and takes on the role as her caregiver.
1. ItsBeginning To Look Alot Like Christmas

Title: Ending the Dance

Author: JAGfreak

Disclaimer: Anyone dumb enough to think I own JAG and its characters, well deserve to keep on thinking that. lol.

Chapter 1/? -It's Beginning To Look Alot Like Christmas

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Mac's Apartment

Christmas Day

Georgetown

"Can I get you anything else? more pillows?" Harm suggested,

trying his best to care for her.

Mac smiled from her place on the couch. She had been thus far propped up by many fluffy pillows personally "fluffed" by Harm as she had witnessed earlier and had barely stopped herself from laughing by biting her bottom lip.She was covered by a blanket up to her waist, her arms bent at the elbows one hand on top of the other at her stomach. Beside her was a TV tray fully loaded with goodies including but not limited to such things as the remote, a box of tissues, the phone, a glass of water, and some pain killers. She hadn't been released fromthe hospital but one hour and ALREADY Harm was driving her crazy..but in a decidedly adoreable way.

"I'm fine Harm...really, I'm just a little sore." Mac reassured, smiling at him from across the room.

"Okay...just let me know if there is anything I can get." he responded. Mac again resisted the urge to laugh at his inability to sit...heck, even stand still. He had been pacing around the room pretending to do something or getting this and that for the last 45 minutes and 11 seconds now.

"I will," Mac started teasingly "but in the meantime do u think you could sit down?"

Harm smiled back at her then and crossed the room to sit in the chair across from her. "Yeah I can do that."

Mac rested her head back on the pillows, turning her face to the right so she could see him. "Are YOU alright?" she asked, with a lopsided grin on her lips, risking the pain moving her face at all caused.

"Me? You're the one who was in the car accident." he smiled.

"Alright fine...you're just looking a little pale...that and the fact you can't sit still and up until now hadn't set down since we got here." she said pointedly.

He chuckled and looked down., then back up at her. "It's just been a long night...Iwas.... worried..." He again looked down.

Mac's tone and facial expressions became serious at his honesty. "It's okay Harm......I'm okay."

"I know....just...well" He kept studying a place on the carpet. "things could've been alot worse."

"But they weren't.." Mac interjected.

"I know......." he trailed off quietly, lost in his own thoughts.

"Harm?.." Mac asked quietly.

Harm lifted his eyes to meet hers.

Mac smiled a small smile at him, an apologetic look in her eyes. "Merry Christmas"

Harm returned her smile..."Merry Christmas Mac."

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TBC...or not? you tell me. : ) 


	2. Since We've No Place To Go

Title: Ending The Dance

Author: JAGfreak aka Ashlee

Disclaimer: Yes...I own JAG and its characters. hears murmurings What? DPB? Who's that?....lol.

Chapter 2/? - ...Since We've No Place To Go...

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Mac continued to smile at him, and his eyes never left hers. His look was one of understanding......hers one of guilt.

Mac knew she had been pushing him away....keeping him at a distance...and yet when she needed him, he was there...he would ALWAYS be there.

He was being so good to her...despite well..."everything." Despite everything she had done and said to isolate herself, to be alone.. deep down that's not what she had really wanted or needed..and Harm knew that...understood that.

Mac was grateful...more than she could say with her words, so she tried to express that with her gaze. Harm smiled back at her and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees..reaching out to pull the covers up a little more.

"I'm gonna go turn the heat up, it's getting chilly in here." Harm smiled as he crossed the room to the thermostat on the wall.

Mac just watched him from where she lay on the couch, the blanket now covering her arms.

Harm was being very sweet, and at the same time annoying her to death. 'Not that him annoying me on a daily basis is a new thing' Mac thought with a smile.

Harm came back to take his place in the chair.

Mac glanced to the left where her tree stood tall, the lights shining brightly casting a glow in the room. Mac hated the idea of being stuck on the couch... especially on this day, she was such a kid when it came to christmas.

"Harm, let's have christmas still. I mean, I know it hasn't been the best of circumstances and I know I'm to blame for that" Mac looked down briefly," but it's stil morning..and well we could have Mattie over here and well..I don't know...do u want to?" Mac said hopefully, an enthusiastic smile gracing her features.

Harm laughed. Mac was such a kid when it came to christmas. He loved seeing her smile, rip open her gift....they used to celebrate their christmas on christmas eve....back when they could settle for small talk and just being friends....before everything got so complicated.

Harm could not stop worrying..even now...ever since he had gotten the call saying she'd been involved in an accident...he couldn't stop thinking about what would have happened had Mac not been so lucky...with so many things left unsaid.

The sobering reality of the frailty of life....how everything can change in a moment. He couldn't shake the feeling of pure terror. He had staid up half the night, watching her sleep....praying.

What was it about love that made it hurt so much? Harm didn't know...but he knew now that he couldn't wait to stop dancing...he loved her...was in love with her...the commitment-phobia no longer existed. He wanted her and only her for ....forever. He knew he sounded sappy and he knew that nothing would be "perfect," but with Mac it would be pretty darn close. His mind was made up, but he was scared and didn't know how to tell her.....he was ready to end the dance.

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The end for now..maybe? please let me know what you think and if you have any ideas : ) 


	3. Faithful Friends Who Are Dear To Us

Title: Ending The Dance

Author: JAGfreak

Disclaimer: If I owned JAG, things would be a bit different..lol...

Ending The Dance pt. 3/? --...Faithful friends who are dear to us...

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Harm snapped out of his reverie;Mac was still staring up at him, a twinkle in her eye...a smile on her lips. 'how could he refuse that face?' he asked himself. 

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

"Ok, let's have christmas marine." He said chuckling softly at her.

Mac's face broke out into a full-fledged smile, before wincing from the pain doing so had caused her still sore face. Harm did not miss this, he shot her a concerned look. She laid back on the pillows to appease him and smiled. "Ok Ok..I'll take it easy, stop worrying..geeze Harm."

"Hey..worrying to death about you is part of the best friend job description." he told her teasingly.

"Even if it means annoying ME to death?" she asked chuckling softly.

"Yeah I think that sounds about right..." he joked.

"You're impossible flyboy." Mac smiled softly at him, loving that she could call him that again...that it felt right to call him that again.

"I know I am, but you like that about me.. remember?" Harm teased.

Mac acted nonchalant. "Oh..do I?"

Harm just smiled at her in response, his hands clasped together, his elbows resting on his knees.

A comfortable silence fell over them. The only sounds were of their breathing...the rhythmic in and out. Their eyes were still locked, both averting their gaze every few seconds and inevitably meeting gazes once more. They both knew something was changing between them...they were just trying to comprehend how to deal with it.

Mac spoke first, her eyes searching his. "I uh...I've missed this Harm..."

Harm nodded slightly in the affirmative. "I have too Mac..."

"Thank you ..." Mac said quietly.

"For?" Harm asked softly.

"For waiting....for understanding...for giving me space...for being here for me when I had no right to ask you to be...for ...for everything."

Harm looked back at her, getting lost in her beautiful eyes. He finally found his voice.

"Did you honestly think you could push me far enough away?"

Mac was silent for a minute, though she didn't need to think about the answer..she knew.

"no" she said simply. "At one point I thought you had been...pushed too far away..too many times...but I knew better...you're a hard man to get rid of." she smiled teasingly at the last part.

"What point was that?" Harm asked, confused.

Mac debated whether or not to be honest. She really didn't want to come across as the jealous 'you were with another woman' remark...when..she really had no claim to him. She sighed audibly before speaking softly.

"Alicia.."

"That night? When you came to my apartment?"

"yeah...that was when." she swallowed slowly, she hated being so vulnerable but she wanted him to tell her it was nothing...that Alicia meant nothing that she misunderstood...that he hadn't slept with her. That the images haunting her dreams of him kissing her and loving her while Mac stood on the other side of his apartment door...waiting...was just a dream. That he hadn't been with her in that way.The silence hung over them...she waited, though she knew she couldn't be mad at him if he had...she would be hurt..but had no right to be...

"I uh...it was just dinner Mac" Harm tried to reassure her.

Mac sighed. "You don't need to explain anything to me Harm...I have no right to ask that of you."

Harm looked at her, tucked in under the covers...her body bruised, her face still red from the impact of the air bag and still she was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever laid eyes on.

"I know I don't....but I want to..." he scooted to the edge of the chair. He reached out to carefully brush a lock of her hair off her forehead. "Alicia and I are just friends....I meant what I said earlier Mac....nothings changed....I'm still here."

Mac felt tears well up in her eyes. "Harm...why now? after all these years? Why is now the right time for...for us?"

Harm understood, he'd asked himself the same question. "We weren't ready before." he said simply. "We started dancing...and kept going.....both afraid of what would happen if we stopped...both wanting to...but fear and pride pushed us on...neither of us wanted to be the first to stop...the first to show that we needed to stop....but ...after all this time...we're tired...tired of dancing...tired enough to stop."

Mac blinked back tears. "Are you ...tired enough to stop?"

Harm choked back his emotions. "..I am.."

RING! the phone interrupted the moment, cutting through the silence and breaking their intense gaze. RING! With a sigh, Mac reached for the phone.

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TBC...please review with any ideas. : ) 


	4. I'll Have A Blue Christmas Without You

Title: Ending The Dance

Author: JAGfreak

Disclaimer: Oh COME ON people...if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not gonna tell you.

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! They really help keep me going. oh BTW, I wrote this poem for the story.... I was bored. lol Enjoy!

Chapter 4/?--I'll have a blue christmas without you...

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"Hello?" Mac said into the phone, trying to keep the irritation at the interruption out of her tone. It was Mattie. "Hi Mattie..yeah, Harm's over here........ I'm doing much better thanks for asking........yeah, he's trying" Mac laughed, "Want to talk to him?......yeah sure ..Merry christmas to you too." Mac held the phone out to him with a smile. 

Harm took the phone with an eyebrow raised and a smile on his face, 'Exactly what did she say I was trying to do and why is she laughing about it?' he wondered.

Harm took the phone and got up to go to the kitchen so he could get a little bit of privacy.

"Merry Christmas Mattie." he missed her.

"Merry Christmas Harm." she answered, she sounded happy."So you're at Mac's, huh?" she asked suggestively. "Just how "merry" has your christmas been?" she laughed.

"Mattie!" he scolded, mouth hanging open.

"Come on Harm you don't have to hide these things from me." she joked.

"Mattie.." Harm blushed." It's....nothing....I ...I mean....it's not like that...I'm over here to make sure she takes it easy..to keep an eye on her..that's..that's it."

"Geeze Harm, you develop a stuttering problem while I was gone?" she teased.

"Mattie..." Harm said in a warning tone that said 'don't go there'.

"Lighten up Harm...I know I know...It's "complicated," but you'd be stupid to keep pretending you two didn't love each other. Look at all the time you've already wasted." Mattie said simply.

"I know Mattie...things just aren't as black and white as you see them...it's.."

"Complicated?" Mattie said trying not to laugh.

"Right." Harm answered.

There was a pause, before Harm smiled and said.

"But I'll have you know I'm working on uncomplicating it..."

Mattie smiled and did a little happy dance on her end of the phone.

"Good, you guys make a cute couple." she laughed. "and she can stand to put up with you so..."

"HaHa." harm said sarcastically. "You having fun spending christmas with your dad?"

"Yeah..it's nice having him in my life again. We've already opened our presents and then he made me hot chocolate and we watched "A Christmas Story." ..it's been fun."

Harm was glad, although he missed her badly.

"So..Mattie I was thinking....if it's ok with your Dad and you want to come over here to Mac's apartment , we can have christmas together...I mean when your father and you are done celebrating that is." Harm said hopefully.

"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine...I'll talk to him and find out what time and then I'll call you."

"Okay, good."

"Bye Harm."

"Bye Mattie."

"...oh Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any mistletoe handy or do I have to play matchmaker and bring my own?"

"Goodbye Mattie." he said chuckling to himself as he shut the phone off with a click.

He walked back to the living room, returning the phone to its place on the tray.

"Can she come?" Mac asked hopefully.

"She's going to talk to her Dad and then call back."

Harm cleared his throat and sat back down on the chair, wanting to get back into the conversation they had barely started when the phone rang.

"so..." he said quietly. "where were we?"

_Our dance we began many years ago,_

_and I can't help but wonder if it's time to let it go._

Mac smiled back at him softly. "You had just said you were tired of dancing..."

_Many dances we've danced, the tempo forever changing_

_while our lives as we knew them were forever rearranging._

Harm stared at her intently. "Yes I did....."

_At times we danced close, locked in an embrace._

_At times we danced apart, the truth we could not face._

_As time went on we became too good at it,_

_our passive-aggressive nature hurt us, but fit. _

Mac brought her left hand to her right arm just above her elbow and pinched. "Just checking to make sure I wasn't dreaming...." she smiled sweetly at him.

_We became prisoners to our own humanity,_

_the constant change of pace sometimes cost us our sanity._

Harm smiled back at her, letting silence fall between them as they each contemplated what to say next...what to do next. Their gazes locked together, both caught up in the intensity of the moment.

_At times the melody we danced to was intense, eyes locked and unwavering..passion in our gaze._

_At time the melody was barely heard, and we could hardly look at eachother....lost in an angry haze. _

_But still ....we kept dancing......

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TBC--PLease review!


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